I want to enjoy the jour­ney more!

When am I going to be happy with where I am as opposed to where I want to go? Not sure where this dichotomy will finally con­nect my dreams with the real­ity. It hurts more because the goal I’ve given myself isn’t really rooted in any one thing but relies instead on accom­plish­ing cer­tain steps along the way. Fin­ish­ing school, just around the cor­ner, get­ting into grad school/ get­ting a job.. finan­cial resources to be able to do those things I love most.. going trav­el­ling, eat­ing out with friends, going to funky dance par­ties… on top of pay­ing for all the essen­tials like hous­ing, inter­net, cloth­ing; yes, in that order.

Next. This four let­ter word is hang­ing over all of us con­stantly.. what IS “next”? Damn if I know, but it inter­rupts my thoughts every­day. I’m not one of those poor saps who can’t han­dle the pres­sure of respon­si­bil­ity or am not on top of my work, has poor work/life bal­ance, none of the above.. sim­ply I am not com­pletely sat­is­fied with the sta­tus quo. Essen­tially I have noth­ing to com­plain about and spend my life of leisure enjoy­ing the pur­suits of any aver­age 21 year old in the the big city.. but just not quite sure whats the point? Do you want to know the mean­ing of life? I’m not sure it exists. I think I will keep try­ing to ques­tion and pur­sue that utopic vision of hap­pi­ness. One where I’m happy with my job, have finan­cial means, free time to pur­sue hob­bies, have a fam­ily and so on.

Sit­ting here I know spring is com­ing, I can feel it shin­ning through my win­dows, the birds are singing and I just want to know whats “next”. Summer?

I’m going to say good­bye soon and I think I’ve learned all those quin­tes­sen­tial lessons that uni­ver­sity should provide.

Love life: Don’t even want to go there. I imag­ine now that it was prob­a­bly a mon­u­men­tal waste of time, but hope­fully the expe­ri­ence will prove invaluable.

School: They give you shit marks to demor­al­ize you, then you meet some amaz­ing peo­ple who change your per­spec­tive about it all and rewards come in.

Friends: The ones who shape your out­look and help you grow dur­ing this most impor­tant time in your life. Basi­cally if you are a douchebag– your friends usu­ally are too.

This list could go on I’m sure… I just want to say I feel smart but equally stu­pid some­times, as I’m sure every­one does. Point is keep your friends close and enjoy the ride.

I’m plan­ning my trip to Europe this sum­mer… that makes me very happy. I’m going to try and find myself on my solo jour­ney. I expect to have some kind of epiphany around the 4th week while sit­ting at a lit­tle cafe in Prague haha. I can dream, can’t I?

1. You Can’t Hurry Love — The Supremes

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